It’s 8:30 on a school night, a time when most elementary children are settling down for bed. But somehow you and your third-grader find yourselves wandering the aisles at Staples in search of a display board, some turquoise paper and glitter pens for a project on sea life that is due —GASP — tomorrow morning! You ask yourself how things went so awry as you dash back home, sure that you and your child are going to be burning the midnight oil in an attempt to make magic happen with dolphins and seals.

Finding the balance between helping and doing

Everyone agrees that homework is not something parents should be completing for their children. Despite what are often well-meaning attempts to "rescue" your children when they wait until the last minute to do an assignment or "help" by filling in the blanks when they seem stumped, doing homework for your children won’t enable them to become independent learners.

Though it can be hard for parents to let children work through problems alone and learn from their mistakes, it truly is the best way to ensure that they will learn what they need to know and become confident in their own abilities to tackle difficult subjects with success.

So just how do you support your children’s efforts without actually doing their work for them? One of the best ways is to set the proper study tone at home as soon as your children begin receiving homework. Following are some suggestions from the U.S. Department of Education:

Help your children get organized. This should include: putting up a calendar where your children will see it often to keep track of assignments and extracurricular activities (you can record assignments until they can do it for themselves); making a space in your home where children can do their homework; keeping all of the supplies together in one location your children will need to complete assignments (markers, pencils, scissors, glue sticks, tape and a variety of papers).

Involve your children in developing a study routine. Together, agree on a set time for your children to work on school assignments. For some students who lack motivation for homework, a "work first/play later" rule can be a good incentive. This will also ensure that students are not cramming all of their work into the half hour before bedtime. This kind of a race-to-the-finish approach to homework virtually guarantees that parents will need to become much more involved than they should be. If your children go somewhere else for after-school care, make sure your caregiver supports your family rules on homework and can provide help if necessary.

Teach your children about time management. Help your children set aside enough time to complete assignments or prepare for tests. For example, if your fourth-grader has a research report due in two weeks, discuss all the steps needed (such as picking a topic, doing the research, taking notes, drafting an outline, writing a rough draft and revising and completing the final draft) and the time each will take. Learning to set aside ample time will allow your children to complete a project on their own.

Figure out how your children learn best. Watch your children when they are learning something new. Do they work better alone or with someone else? Do they understand some things best when they can handle or move them? If you understand your children’s learning styles and make sure that their homework setting supports their individual needs (for example, blocks or counting sticks are available for children who need to manipulate objects when learning to add and subtract), it will be easier for your children to tackle homework independently.

Talk about their assignments. Talking can help your children think through an assignment and break it down into small, workable parts. Taken in pieces, a project can seem much easier for children to handle independently. Here are some steps to take:

• Have your children read the instructions (or read them to your children) and then tell you what they think the assignment is. If they don’t understand the instructions, re-read them together and talk about the assignment.

• Ask your children what steps they need to take to do their work.

• Make sure that your children have any special supplies or reference materials needed to complete an assignment.

• Help your children check over their work. Encourage them to think about whether or not their answers make sense. If the answer to a math problem doesn’t seem logical or the meaning of a paragraph is unclear, encourage them to re-check or revise their work.

• Help them troubleshoot. If your children seem to be having difficulty once they have started an assignment, help them figure out what the problem is. If they need to learn more and you understand the subject yourself, you may want to work through some examples together. But let them do the assignment on their own. If you don’t feel qualified to teach about a subject, ask the teacher to explain the information to your children again.

• Praise your children’s efforts. Encouragement ("I’m really proud of all of the hard work you’ve done" or "Good first draft of your report!") can go a long way toward motivating your children to complete assignments independently. Children also need to know when they haven’t done their best work. Constructive criticism can help guide them without breaking their confidence in their own abilities. Rather than "You aren’t going to hand in that mess, are you?" try, "Your teacher will understand your ideas better if you use your best handwriting." Remember to praise the revised version.

• Let your children’s work stand. If you know that your children have put forth their best effort and are satisfied that their work is complete, leave well enough alone. Correcting spelling, punctuation or adding a flourish to a completed science project will only reflect your efforts, not your children’s. Teachers use homework as a way of gauging how well students are retaining and applying information. They can then decide whether students need additional help or are ready to move on in their studies.

Here are some family-friendly search engines and websites geared toward providing homework help:

• Yahooligans http://www.yahooligans.com/School_Bell/

Besides providing reference materials and answers to homework questions, this website includes links to other sites that provide homework help (type the words "Homework Help" at the search prompt).

• Ask Jeeves Kids www.ajkids.com

• Family Education Network/Infoplease http://www.infoplease.com/homework/

This website provides links to such reference tools as an almanac, dictionary, encyclopedia and biography database. It includes a searchable index organized by subject areas and has information on homework skills such as writing essays, studying for tests and how to conduct an interview.

• National Geographic Homework Help http://www.nationalgeographic.com/
  education/homework/

Need to know how much hippos eat, what explorers Lewis and Clark packed in their first-aid kit or how fireworks work? This website includes facts and features, perfect for reports, presentations, homework or for curiosity.

A complete directory of family-friendly search engines can be found at http://searchenginewatch.com/links/Kids_Search_Engines/

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