Foul language and your family

Four-letter words—and worse—are part of the everyday vocabulary of too many children, both at home and in school. Sadly, parents and teachers no longer need to ask, "Where did you hear that?" Radio, television, and the movies have spread crude language like a virus, often helped by unthinking adults and teenagers.

Children who use foul language in school usually do so for a reason—to defy the rules, shock adults, or to impress or hurt other children. If their obscenities are tolerated or ignored, these children often move on to other, more harmful acts such as open defiance or physical violence. When this occurs, teaching time is lost to disciplining, other children feel vulnerable, and everyone suffers.

Schools cannot undo, in a few short hours, the impact of what children hear and mimic during the rest of the day. Parents and families must find ways to help. Here are some suggestions.

• Lay down the law: Set the same rules at home that children are required to observe in school. They must not use vulgar language.

• Muzzle yourself: Listen to yourself and make a conscious effort to change if you find yourself using gross or obscene language.

• Make house rules: Make sure that everyone, both family and friends, understands that you won’t tolerate trash talk in your home. A firm stare or sharp reminder is usually enough to remind your child’s friends not to use foul language.

• Observe parental warnings: Don’t allow school-age children to buy or watch TV programs, movies, or videos labeled with parental warnings of offensive language. That goes for some of today’s music lyrics, too.

• Walls—and Children—have ears: When adults turn on a TV show or video that contains foul language, make sure children aren’t in the room—or within earshot.

• Establish penalties: Give your child—and yourself—an incentive to keep language clean by setting up a penalty system in which anyone heard using a bad word has to pay a fine or do a chore.

• Teach a new vocabulary: Teach children to substitute harmless words like "rats!" or "bummer" if they need to blurt out something when frustrated or injured. Even sound-alikes, such as "dang it!" or "Shoot" are easier to stomach than the real thing.

• Go beyond profanity: More common—and more painful—than swear words are the cuttingly cruel terms young children can hurl at each other, like "fatso," "dork," "jerk," "ugly," "stupid," and "sucker." Help your children understand that such name-calling is harmful and is strictly forbidden.

• Beware of prejudice: Racial, ethnic, and sexual slurs often sneak into children’s language at an early age. It’s important for them to understand that these words express prejudice and hate, and are not to be used.

• Learn how to react: Children often use profanity to get a reaction from their peers or adults. They want to shock you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Shake your head and express your disappointment. But make it clear, through your words and actions, that foul language won’t be tolerated.