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Becoming a proactive middle school parent

As children move from elementary to middle school, they begin to crave more independence. At the same time, parents often wonder how much freedom to allow children to have and how to stay involved with school without invading their children’s turf.

The good news is there are many ways for parents to stay informed and involved without “smothering” your children’s growing need for independence. And research shows that encouraging learning, setting high, but reasonable expectations for children and making the extra effort to be involved with teen’s education at home and in school can have long lasting benefits. These include higher grades and tests scores, more positive attitudes and behaviors, less chance that kids will use alcohol and other drugs, higher graduation rates and fewer placements in special education.

Creative ways to stay connected

In elementary school, there are ready-made opportunities to be involved like “homeroom parents” or classroom party helpers. However, finding ways to stay connected during the middle school years takes a little more creativity.
Here are some tried and true suggestions from parents, teachers, and social workers that will help keep you linked with school and your children during these early adolescent years:

• Attend annual back-to-school events such as open house. This is one of the best ways to learn about the increased academic demands of the middle school and to get to know teachers and learn about their expectations. Keep in mind, however, that open house is a time to listen and ask general questions of teachers and staff. Questions or concerns about children’s individual performance should be saved for a private follow-up, like the parent-teacher conference.

Parent-teacher conferences are a good time to get the real skinny on how your children are doing at school and where they need to apply themselves and also to learn about school-based resources like academic intervention services (AIS) and counseling that can support children’s school success.

• Use technology to stay connected. Many of the busy parents we spoke with said they found it extremely helpful to be able to double-check homework assignments and communicate with teachers via recorded phone messages and/or e-mail, at any hour of the day. Often, teachers will include suggested at-home learning activities for families and on-line and print resources that can help support the school lessons. The district Web site can also be a great resource for information about upcoming school events and opportunities to volunteer at school. Bookmark this site and visit it regularly.

• Attend sporting events, school performances, etc. There may not be a need or opportunity for you to spend regular time in your children’s classrooms. And, in truth, having you right in their space may not be a dream for your kids. But you can spend time in other venues where you will meet their teachers and coaches and talk with their friends and their families. Interestingly, the families we spoke with mentioned their time driving to and from these types of events as most meaningful. If it’s just you and your kids, you have uninterrupted time to catch up on their lives. If you take along their friends, you will have a chance to listen in on their conversations and gain some insight into what really matters for your children right now.

• Offer your skills to improve the school community. Perhaps you are a writer who can offer a few hours a week tutoring kids in language arts or an auto mechanic that can inspire kids to apply themselves to their studies with a talk about the complex math and science that goes into your job. No matter what your background, you undoubtedly have things you can share that can enhance the learning that takes place at school. This is true even if the time you spend volunteering doesn’t include your own children.

• Volunteering your time in the school can help you forge friendly relationships with teachers and other school staff. This can go a long way toward building trust and softening the tension that can arise if problems develop down the road. It gives you an opportunity to meet your children’s classmates and learn about the day-to-day routine at school. It also sends a powerful message to your children that school is important and worthy of your time.

Read all about it…the truth about tweens

Learning about the many physical, social and emotional changes that happen during the early teenage years can assure you that most of what your children are experiencing—shifting friendships, clothing crisis’, mood swings and all—is perfectly normal. Check out the Website for KidsHealth at http://www.kidshealth.com/kid/grow/index.html and books like The American Academy of Pediatrics Caring For Your Teenager by Philip Bashe, and Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated by Anthony E. Wolf for more information.

The home-school partnership

There are also many powerful ways that families can support their children’s school success right at home. These include:

• Setting fair and consistent rules and routines. The middle school years are a time when many families tend to take on more out-of-home responsibilities, meaning that everyone is on the go most days of the week. Despite this, take the time to set aside a consistent time each day for children to complete their homework, practice instruments, and take care of chores. Adopt a work first/play later policy (e.g., no GameCube, phone calls, trips to the mall or computer time until all homework and other projects are completed). This can be a great motivator for children who find it difficult making schoolwork job one.

• Helping your children learn good study and organizational skills. These become crucial during the middle school years when they are expected to successfully juggle and meet the expectations of four, five, even six different teachers. If necessary, ask your children’s counselors about opportunities for at-school tutoring that can help perfect these skills. If what your children are learning seems over your head, making homework help difficult talk with teachers about ways you or the school staff can provide the needed help. Encourage reading, make regular trips to the public library as a family, and let your children see you reading regularly for pleasure and for information.