Parent Corner
Pre-adolescence is a time of terrific change for kids. Physically, socially and
emotionally, the years between 10 and 13 rival the first three years of
children’s lives in terms of growth. Unfortunately, all this upheaval can leave
kids less self-assured and less interested in academics. Studies show that often
the grades of once stellar elementary students can take a dip during the first
year of middle school.
Parents who remember their own pre-teen years might be inclined to cut kids some
slack. Unfortunately, today’s higher learning standards make a vacation from
academics in their middle years a luxury students can’t afford. Everything about
school today – from the courses they must take to the tests they must pass – is
more demanding than ever before in the history of New York State or the nation.
Indeed, the only way students now can hope to make the mark in high school is to
aim high in middle school.
Encouraging the "habit" of learning
Dr. Randy Cale, psychologist and child specialist, says the study habits that
kids acquire in middle school can determine – with about 90 percent
predictability – the type of future success they’ll have in school.
"If you haven’t helped instill these habits, then the tendency is to
over-parent— e.g., by nagging, constantly reminding them of their
responsibilities, even doing work for them—and things tend to fall apart as a
result," says Cale.
Making homework magic happen
Since middle school is a time when children crave more independence, Cale suggests that families create policies that shift the responsibility for getting work done to kids themselves. Here’s how to go about it:
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Look at what’s happening now. Are your children getting down to studying most of the time with no more than a little gentle persuasion, or does the very mention of homework produce a major battle scene? Says Cale, if you are putting forth more effort than your children for their success, then things are not as they should be.
Set up clear rules. Cale advocates a year round "work first/play later" approach that can be applied not only to homework, but household chores, music lessons, etc. Ideally, this policy should be put in place as early as pre-school, says Cale. However, it’s never too late to institute it. Start by talking with your children about your expectations and what the consequences will be if they don’t meet them. Cale suggests an icebreaker such as "We have some good news and news you might not like as well. The good news—Dad and I are no longer going to nag you about getting your work done. However, it is now up to you to get your work done before you move on to anything else. We will not take you to soccer practice, there won’t be any computer time, you can’t talk on the phone, etc., until you have finished all of your homework." -
Set immediate consequences and follow through. Many students at this age have a hard time dealing with or responding to long-term consequences. For example, the prospect of failing a test or getting a bad grade may not be enough to motivate them to study. And certainly, few middle schoolers have the maturity to know how their actions now might hurt them once they begin applying for college in five years. Cale recommends an environment that allows for choice, but choice that comes with immediate consequences (i.e., you can do your homework or you can flop in front of the TV; but if you choose the latter, you will come home tomorrow to find the television cable box disconnected).
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What you model is key. If you put off projects, take extended coffee breaks or procrastinate in other ways, your kids will notice. Practice what you preach.
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Enjoy the free time you’ve created. Once this approach is up and running, it allows families to focus on more positive pursuits. If you don’t have to spend the entire evening fighting over what needs to get done, you may just have time to enjoy a good book, take a walk or bike ride together.
Getting "organized" for school success
Here are some ways parents can help their children develop good organization and time management skills, which are often critical to school success:
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Make sure your children have assignment notebooks. Talk with them about how to use them and why. Suggest they open the notebook at the beginning of each class and leave it on their desk until they have written down the daily homework assignment. Encourage them to review their assignments before leaving school to make sure they bring home the appropriate books and materials.
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Have your children use folders or binders to keep track of paperwork for each subject.
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Help your children decide on a regular location to do homework; and together, agree upon a set time for them to do assignments.
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Have your children keep all their supplies for completing assignments in one place, and make it their responsibility to let you know if they are running low.
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Consider a weekly family planning meeting to help everyone get organized for the coming week.